Remember that kid on the playground who never started a fight but could always finish one? Everything was fine—penny candy and slides—until a bully picked on them or someone who seemed defenseless. That kid rose to the challenge every time and was probably an Enneagram Type 8, The Challenger.

I bet Rep. Jasmine Crockett was that kid, but I need to admit that I don't know her Enneagram Type for sure. 

Some of us have known for a while that Rep. Jasmine HAS TIME, but she gave us one for the ages, putting another lawmaker in their place during a U.S. House committee meeting last week. If you haven't seen it yet, it's on the internet. Here's a recap anyway:

• During the meeting, a "6B," we'll call her, stirred things up with an impertinent question, trying to derail the proceedings. 

• Rep. Jasmine responded with a ‘girl, focus.’ (a paraphrase.) 

• 6B then made a snide comment about eyelashes, trying to belittle Rep. Jasmine for bringing le glamour every time, on sight, in broad daylight.

• Rep. AOC stepped in with a ‘hold up!’ (a paraphrase.)

• This gave Rep. Jasmine time to recover from the cheap shot. 

• Her clapback confused one representative who doesn’t understand this particular language, but another, "Rep. Ol Buddy #2," understood perfectly, which was low-key delightful.

• Rep. Jasmine’s response has inspired all kinds of creativity: songs, memes, think pieces, and personality profiles like this one.

Why the mass celebration? I can only speak for myself. The whole scene was triggering because I've encountered "6B" types who have tried to derail my professional life. Hence my own "WorkHurt" story, which includes not just one but several "6Bs," a brunette, two redheads, and one IPOC. 

Notwithstanding…

I admire Type 8s because, at their best, they show up as principled and confident. No one is more deserving of having the lint brushed off their blazers! Enneagram wisdom teaches us that Eights have learned to be this way because, at some point in life, they felt powerless—to protect, to speak up, and to defend themselves. What we see is their vow to never be in that position again, but we don’t always appreciate the toll wielding such power can take.

Eights’ basic needs are: oxygen, water, food, and loyalty. Loyalty and food might be interchangeable. This is why I'm glad Rep. Crockett had Rep. AOC's support. Like I always say, even Jesus needed 12 friends. 

While we all enjoyed the social media buzz this past weekend, I also found myself praying for Rep. Jasmine’s peace. You have to be close to an Eight to realize how soft their center really is. They don’t mind the smoke and will deliver it express if your motives are harmful, but what they truly seek is the peace pipe. I hope this moment isn't too costly for our sister Rep.

Carrying the weight of the world can get heavy, and Eights need a safe space to lay it down. When Type 8s don’t have the support that they need, we hear less and less of them, and we suffer for it. You know,  they shouldn't be the only ones fighting all the time. 

Get in there, y’all!

Disclaimer: I have loved an Enneagram 8 for most of my life. Needless to say, our family has excellent leadership.

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How do I work with people when I am the only minority most of the time and constantly experience different microaggressions, to the point it is affecting my mental health? Most of my non-minority coworkers would and most likely could not understand my perspective or how isolated I feel at times.

Davian, Type 9

RESPONSE

Dear Davian,

The term “microaggressions” can be misleading because it makes it seem that the behaviors are less than harmful. Kind of like comparing a papercut to a knife gash. 

The thing is, papercuts don’t bleed, but they linger. My goodness! They are annoying, but no one else can see the hurt they’re causing you.

This is how your situation looks in my mind, and I’m sorry you are dealing with the lingering irritation of microaggressions in your workplace. Your beautiful, Enneagram Type Nine heart deserves better.

How do I know?

I rocks with me some Type Nines!

You all have such connection-centric hearts that we all sometimes forget that you are your own person, worthy of understanding and growth. You’re our safe place, but we’re not always that for you.

As the only minority in your office most of the time, it’s probably hard to parse out which slights are identity-based and which are because folks take Type Nines for granted. Or… do they take you for grated because you’re a minority or because you’re a “cool as a cucumber” team player? It may even be a bit of both. Who can know?

In an ideal world, and Type Nines are masters of envisioning ideal worlds, people would just match energy and ride out. Unfortunately, here we are on Earth… yuck. It's tempting to take refuge in flights of fancy into more spiritual thoughts and topics, I know, but we need you here.

When off balance, it’s your nature to lean into looking for reasons to doubt others’ motives and pessimism. I’m going to ask you to try to lean even harder into connection- not (yet) with the people you already know need to work on themselves; lean into finding your folks. Lean into speaking up more. Let your expertise shine.

Further, whose insights do you appreciate? Let them know. Who’s an early bird or late worker like you? Chat about that. Who is a pet person? Who hates cheese? Who wears mismatched socks? Whatever it is, find your folks because you need them. Chances are, they need you, too. 

If you find yourself unable to carry out normal daily functions because of the mental weight, please find a therapist. You deserve the undivided attention that you give so many others. Let me know if I can help guide you to a clinician. 

How does this mantra feel?

I am at peace with letting my peaceful light shine.

Thank you for trusting me with your journey, Davian.

All the best to you,

LaVondia

Have a workplace dilemma that you'd like to submit to the "Work Hurt" blog? Click here or on the form below. 

Thinking of Enneagram Nines, the ever-wise rapper, J. Cole, stands out for me. Although I'm uncertain about his Enneagram type, Type Nine is my best guess.  If you haven't heard, there is a battle royale for the soul of hip-hop between showman Drake and Pulitzer prize-winner Kendrick Lamar. I'm not at all impartial, but I'll tell you who is… J. Cole!

To be real, I’ve gone back and forth about saving this blog post until next Monday. However, at the rate that Kendrick Lamar is going, I’m afraid of the world I’ll wake up to tomorrow, let alone in 7 days and 7 nights!  

The rap beef started as a tiny melee before simmering down to a three-person cage match, but Cole bowed out gracefully in the early stages, leaving just two rappers to duke it out. Initially, public sentiment was beyond harsh, but as the lyrical exchanges became more heated, the world began to appreciate Cole's stance. It's hard being a peacemaker, but they are blessed. (Matt. 5:9)

Cole is not new to neutral ground. In fact years ago, in “Middle Child,” he prophetically explained:

Back when the rap game was prayin' I'd diss

They act like two legends cannot coexist

But I'd never beef with a (person) for nothin'

If I smoke a rapper, it's gon' be legit

And so it is. 

Nines strive for inner peace and equilibrium; they are the ones who just go with the flow. They won't rock your boat, so please don't rock theirs by pulling them into your shenanigans. 

When they finally take inventory, it can be a bit frustrating for Nines to feel like others have mistaken their kindness for weakness. Time after time, we make assumptions about their comfort because they're so cool! 

They're cool with it all, right? 

Right? 

Hello?

Not all the time. Nines have wants and needs that have nothing to do with us, but they acquiesce because they fear losing connection. Early experiences taught them to believe they could be happy if they’d just put their needs aside for a minute to help others feel better. That minute has a way of turning into hours, days, and years, with new needs snowballing and fewer opportunities to get them met. In turn, Nines look for ways to rise above, but the goal is to do this by staying engaged with the world, not retreating from it. 

J. Cole embodies this- his lyrics make him seem like the kind of guy with whom anyone could chill and have an enlightened conversation, his eyes looking either into, through, or past you- in a good way. Nines encompass all of the Enneagram types, which makes them magnificent empaths. This is why we rock with Nines! I mean, they just get us…  but we should respect that it costs them chances to understand themselves.

One thing that I love about all of this hip-hop KDot vs. DrizzyNem* Battle Royale stuff is that Cole has chosen himself above all, which is the Enneagram Type Nine's hero's journey. 

Good for him! 

I'm willing to go on record and say that, when the dust settles, J. Cole, Type Nine will still be a winner in this battle because he has shown Black men, men, young people, and the human race that it's OK to back down. 

If I were still a school counselor, I'd have a Cole church fan in my office, ready for the drama. 😆 

I wish we all could be Enneagram Type Nines. 🙏🏾

*Told y’all I’m not impartial, but I forgot to disclose that I'm petty!

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Of course, I have to talk about Amanda Seales’ “Work Hurt!”

Think of the movie, “Maleficent” or the Broadway musical, “Wicked.” That’s a Type 5 woman. That’s Amanda.

Let me just drop my disclaimers and spoilers first: I had no opinion of Amanda Seales before the “Club Shay Shay” interview. Also, I don’t know her Enneagram Type for sure, but she seems to be a classic Type 5, The Investigator/Thinker. Further, this is not a story about Shannon Sharp, so I won’t say much about him. Finally, I am a Type 5 woman who wears statement jewelry and lashes.  

That being said…

For at least 24 hours, Amanda Seales’ “Club Shay Shay” interview had us on lock, with reactions ranging from, “Yes, sis! Sing our song!” to “This is why she doesn’t have a man.”

In a nutshell.

Where’s the lie?  

Within 10 minutes, I went from vaguely intrigued to all in because we don’t often hear from Black women who seem to be Type 5s. America doesn’t hand them the mic a lot, and when we do, we snatch it back quickly because a Type 5 will say the thing! They live squarely in their heads, decorating the walls with the newest idea, and happily self-sufficient until a little detail called “Others” gets involved.

It’s not that they don’t like people or don’t want to be a team player- in fact, it’s quite hurtful for Type 5s when people say that. It’s just that people require a lot of energy, and Type 5s fear not having enough of anything for themselves. Early life experiences taught them about scarcity of various forms- emotional, financial, etc., and they are not going back. This is why a Five will let defamation and being misunderstood cook; it takes too much battery power to set the record straight.

Yes, a Type 5 will walk around singing, "Eff the world. Don't ask me for (schnitzel)" before they'll beg to be heard.

I was last week years old when I learned that Amanda had been left out of cast photos and farewell episodes, and did I ever feel her pain! Every cadre of dazzling princesses needs a villainess, and it looks like Amanda has made an excellent one, with all of her Type 5 “well, actually…” energy and bum-rushing spaces that she’d fostered. Type 5s ask for very little, so being made to feel like they’re too much, especially after they’ve gone hard for a cause, idea, or group, is heartbreaking.

How do they handle it? By retreating and moving along. And along. And along, tapping into the novelty-seeking behavior of their inner Type 7. Get into Amanda's resumes, though! Artistic or academic, you pick!

I’m not a diagnostician or clinician, so I’m not at liberty to discuss her autism diagnosis, but it’s very Type 5 to be the one to step up and disclose such with no ulterior motive beyond the fact that it’s a truth. People will giggle and snicker, but the world will change and a more palatable spokesperson will be assigned. This is how it goes.

Now that I know Amanda Seales, I’m cheering for her. Should you decide to or not, it’s your choice. Whatever you do, don’t cry too long for her, though. She, herself, and her will be just fine.

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Photo: Caribbean National Weekly

I was on a leadership team at an elementary school, and when my principal left to accept a new position, an interim principal came in. 

I thought we would hit it off great because we were in the same sorority and she was a Black woman. But instead, it was the leader from hell. She hated when I asked any questions and even told me I just wanted to keep things the same and that I thought I knew everything. When I would sent an email out to our listserv, she would reply all and tell everyone to ignore my action items because I was wrong. 

She called in HR one day and brought me into her office to tell me she no longer had a position for me for the upcoming school year, but I found out she actually "found the money" to hire someone she wanted for my position. She was the epitome of a mean girl even though she was almost 70 years old. 

I never could understand why she disliked me so much. I had never cried so much at work, and it got so bad that I decided to take FMLA because I could barely breathe when I was driving towards the school. It's so wild to me that people in the education system can be so absolutely awful but then they want to "lead" other adults to being kind and caring for students and families.

Caroline

   Enneagram Type: 1w9

RESPONSE

Dear Caroline,

I am so sorry that this situation jeopardized your overall health. Considering how much time we spend at work and thinking about work, I can only imagine how much longer the hours and days must have felt. To be sure, principal transitions during the year can be challenging with so much uncertainty during the process, be it for one month or one day... especially for an Enneagram Type 1! 

Type 1s are The Reformers. Ever see a child who was really serious about being the line leader in elementary school? That child was very likely a Type 1, the rest of us following happily behind. Very early in life, you learned that being good was your ticket, and you likely have perfected it, so to speak. 

I wish Ms. Interim knew that you weren't trying to usurp her authority; in fact, you were being helpful. Your insightful questions likely served two purposes: gleaning clarity for yourself and your colleagues about changes while also giving Interim an idea about what was already working on your campus and didn't need changing. See what just happened there? Then, instead of being appreciative of your enthusiasm, your new leader put you at the back of the line, which hurts deeply when you're a Type 1. 

Confident and committed leaders learn how to harness the leadership power of Type 1s, but most feel threatened. Honestly, it can be easier to just feel threatened, and thus dismissive, than to get to know the subordinate who raises her hand a lot and addresses the listserv. In the face of this treatment, Type 1s pick up a grain of anger that just builds and builds until it becomes a big old ball of resentment. 

I hate to tell you, Caroline, but you'll probably revisit this unit. From my vantage point, it's a matter of:

1.  being sure that you support the mission (Journaling helps a lot with this.) 

2.  communicating your competence AND intention to be a supportive team member as soon as possible. Just ask for a lane. This way, you can lead the line from that lane  until it expands or you create your own, as many Type 1s do. 

How does this mantra feel?

There are no right questions and no right answers.  

Thank you for trusting me with your truth, Caroline.

All the best to you,

LaVondia

Have a workplace dilemma that you'd like to submit to the "Work Hurt" blog? Click here or on the form below.